Zeitgeist

Compassionate Conservativism

2005-01-12T13:57:00.000-08:00

On my return flight from Hong Kong I was "entertained" by the recent Jerry Bruckheimer debacle, otherwise known as King Arthur. The movie depicted another common version of King Arthur, who was believed to be Lucius Artorius Castus, a Roman officer stationed in Britannia around the 2nd century. It didn't have Camelot, the fancy banners, the joust, or the sacred journey in search of the Holy Grail. It was closer to Gladiator, a slash them and dice them up graphical movie with cliches of honor and justice.

I don't understand the backlash at this movie by these individuals at the freerepublic blog: http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-news/1174894/posts?q=1&&page=1

My conclusions are the following:

1) These people cannot believe that Saxons would say things such as "we will not contaminate our race with lesser individuals", or that blondes are coming to drive the other races out. Why not? Didn't Hitler say the same crap?! If you pay close attention to high school history you will realize that the Saxons did intend to conquer the British isles and did for the most part. Remember the story of William the Conqueror? Yup, he shot a Saxon king in the head.

2) Conservatives cannot believe Christians can be treacherous persecutors. Oh yes they can. Case in point: Adolf Hitler. Enough said. Mind you the folks at Free Republic are the same people who believe that *all* Muslims are terrorists, priests cannot rape little boys, and *all* Christians possess higher moral standard. I am sure Hitler was a good man :D by the same reasoning.

Please argue on the basis that the film was prime example of poor film making, and not because of political correctness.

BCS - Big Cock Sucker

2004-12-06T13:31:00.000-08:00

From the subject you can guess I am one of the following:

Angry Auburn Fan
Angry CAL Fan

I am of the latter, but at both groups share the same bitter taste in their mouth. After a 10-1 season, the CAL Bears seem destined for a Rose Bowl berth as their arch rivals Southern CAL locked up an Orange Bowl bid with a win at UCLA. The only problem? "Seemed" has taken a whole new meaning.

For those who are unfamiliar with the BCS (Bowl Championship Series), it was created by SEC commissioner Roy Kramer in 1998 with a sole purpose to determine a unanimous championship. A series of formulas includes 5 computers, the Associated Press Poll, and the ESPN Coaches Poll to determine rankings of Division I-A teams. At first, sportswriters hailed it as a solution to the subjectivity of the two aforementioned polls, but it clearly became evident that the system remained inherently flawed because the numbers and votes that go into the mathmatical formulas were based on subjectivity.

If you are telling me that (subjectivity + subjectivity)/(more subjectivity) = an objective ranking, that's the same as saying that 9/11 never happened.

Though the mathematical calculations are beyond the scope of this blog entry, the system has undergone tweaks. The most significant change was a re-emphasis on the AP and Coaches' polls because of last year. The USC Trojans, ranked no.1 in both polls, were somehow miraculously ranked in no.3 according to the BCS after all the computer rankings were factored in. Who the fuck in the world would think 5 computers would determine who plays in the national champhionship game? The same has happened this year with #1 USC trailing #2 Oklahoma behind in the computer rankings, but the tweak has placed SC ahead of Oklahoma in the BCS rankings.

And now, the fun part....

CAL was ranked no. 4 in all three polls entering the 107th Big Game, *only* to beat Stanford by 35 points. The rational would think they should gain ground. The opposite happened with Texas *not* even playing a game. It is also interesting to note that Texas gained ground on CAL after its narrow loss to Kansas aided by a controversial call. Kansas is not a bowl bound team, and neither is Stanford. But the thought of gaining ground is purely beyond anyone's imagination, except for those who designed the system. Down to the final week, the original thought was if CAL wins by a healthy margin then the Rose Bowl is theirs. But what really is a healthy margin? Furthermore, Southern Miss is a bowl bound team who only lost a total of 3 games at home in the last 3 seasons. Surely, a 26-16 win at Hattiesburg isn't impressive, but it's not a fortunate win by any means. This means that if CAL were to lose its place to Texas, it should be by a very slim margin with a couple of vote swings. But here are the final results:

#4 Texas: .8476
#5 California: .8347

What happened were a 20 vote change in the AP accompanied by a 43 vote swing in the Coache's Poll.

What does this mean?

It means that blowing out Southern Miss wouldn't matter!!! In fact, CAL could have won by 120 and still be out of the Rose Bowl. The coaches and a majority of sports writers have already felt that Texas is a better team no matter what the outcome is after they beat Texas A&M. In fact, during the same week, Texas coach Mack Brown went public and campaigned for votes, and an ESPN sportsradio host quoted, "I got a tape of a Texas practice and they look damn impressive."

AI would have said, "Practice? Practice?!"

I could have taped 30 high school students practicing at a 49ers facility and you would think they look impressive. The fact that the Texas coach went out an campaign is pretty classless. Then on ESPN.com he said this after he got the bid, "As happy as we are today, I really feel sorry for Cal. Cal is a great football team. The system doesn't work and we understand that."

That sounds pretty doesn't it? It's the same as saying someone commit a crime and feel sorry afterwards. Even a kindergartener knows stealing lollipops is ILLEGAL. I am not suggesting Brown's actions are of a similar nature, but it sounds hypocritical to me. If you think this is new in the Big 12, also note that Bob Stoops intentionally scored a late touchdown 53 seconds before the game ended in Lincoln to pad the score. Afterwards he was quoted to "regret that decision." Classless and unethical. If this is what the Big 12 is all above then nothing brings me more joy than to see their teams lose in all of the bowl games.

I will put it to the strength of schedule, statistical doubters this way:

1) Texas had a stronger perceived strength of schedule - look at the Big 12 North. They probably couldn't beat a Division I-AA team. CAL's non-conference games weren't much of a talk either. Advantage: Texas

2) Close games - CAL had 1 and Texas had 3, with one win by a controversial call at Kansas. Advantage: CAL

3) Top teams - CAL should have beaten USC at Los Angeles whereas Texas was completely dominated by Oklahoma. Advantage: CAL

4) Stats - CAL tops Texas in all categories. Advantage: CAL.

Have I made my case? I think both Texas and CAL should play in a BCS game, but until CAL can prove itself to be a national powerhouse, this will happen again. As Tedford himself states, "Maybe we're just not on the map yet and maybe we need to continue to work hard, which we will, to gain the respect as a football program when it comes down to these types of situations."

The old saying goes that as you get older, you become less flexible. Are you listening, BCS voters?

Work, and workout

2004-11-10T23:21:00.000-08:00

I wish I work only 9-5, but alas, such hours are rare in the IT industry unless you are at the very top or deep bottom (translation: expandable). Thankfully my company has a sparely equipped which I have taken full advantage of, but recently one of the regulars has become more of a nuisance.

There is a gentlemen around 6' 2", of Eastern European descent, who will come in and use the treadmill and bike. For some reason throughout the course of his exercise he always mumble interesting lingo which I cannot comprehend. Perhaps it's stress.....

Here's the interesting part - the guy somehow always finishes his routine by taking a number 2 at the locker/bathroom after he's done. Furthermore, he times it so that someone is always in the room. And the worst part is he mumbles the same lingo in a tone resembling of someone getting an orgasm.

Let's reflect on that for a bit......

I'm sorry, but reflection doesn't work quite well here. I have no idea whether taking a dump after a workout is an Eastern European practice or the other is, but rest assured this is no worn torn Sarajevo. Please leave your habits back home.

Thank you very much.

Blondes VS Fobs

2004-11-10T22:59:00.000-08:00

It's amazing what a day in San Franciso, NYC, and LA can do to you. As my cousin from Austin, TX, commented, "These clowns dress and act like they just stepped out of a fashion magazine." Quite true, but then TX is no fashion capital unless your fashion statement revolves around a Dallas Cowboys jersey.

One thing that I observed though, is even though Blondes and FOBs are quite far apart in terms of lingo and looks, there are a ton of striking familiarities which I would like to point out:

1) PGA - that is correct folks, a striking number of Blondes also partake in this tour of the Mega boutiques and malls. For those innocent ones, it stands for Prada Gucci Armani.

2) Where's my ride? - both species covet MB, BMW, and Lexus + so much bling on the wheels I can use them as mirrors as I jog by.

3) ATM - not the machine where you get cash, but Attitude Treatment Mandate. Both species see themselves as Goddess like creatures. Perhaps it has to do with too many magazine covers for the former and just spending too much Daddy's money on the latter.

4) Looks first, money second, brains third - they don't call them dumb blondes for no reason. And FOBs? Well, let's just say they follow the same route in a more elusive manner.

5) Pale - I know, one is naturally white, but the other someone manages keep themselves just as white by avoiding the devil rays from mother nature and enclose themselves in indoor facilities. Let's not forget those crazy visors that block their entire facades. What the fuck is that?!

6) Fake - On one hand the blondes in OC stuff themselves with fake tits and asses, while the FOBs do it with their speech and body language. The difference? At least I don't feel like I am fucking an altar boy with the former.

Alright boys and girls. That's it for now until I come up with more.

More Election Rant

2004-11-05T10:20:00.000-08:00

Funny how someone took the time to put this together:

http://attenuation.net/files/iq.htm

There's a mildly offensive t-shirt out there:

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=344

Ok, I rest my case. It's not offensive anymore if it speaks the truth.

Me Love You Long Time...

2004-11-03T15:31:00.000-08:00

A good friend of mine has asked me this question, "Why are there so many Asian girls with White guys in particular? I don't see as many Latinos or Blacks...." This isn't the first time someone asked me this question, but I had to go through a long explanation. Since this has become tiring I will devote this blog space for this purpose. Rather than just calling them plain "sell-outs" I will rather present a more realistic and somewhat scientific study :D because the Asian female is a unique species.

1) Asians are status conscious - you might say who isn't? Whether you are third or fourth generations, chances are you have been influenced by your native culture in this regard. In general, our culture deeply rooted thousands of years ago somehow created this strong notion of status quo. It doesn't matter whether you are Chinese, Vietnamese, Thai, Japanese, etc. It is the way of life and you have accepted it subconsciously. Through colonization, white folks have somehow taken a higher step in the status ladder. Because the only thing that can't be bought is the color of your skin, one easy way to rise up the ladder is to assimilate with the white folks, adopt a white last name like Ms. Michelle Maulkin, and somehow everyone will now believe you are white. Good job on fooling the color blind.

NOTE: The Chinese and the Japanese are the most frequent offenders in this regard, with the latter the worst. Why? The Japanese believe they are the strongest Asian group, so they would not assimilate with any other Asian groups. The only thing better is white.

2) Asian women are put off by the oppressive Asian male - this has some merit, though nowadays this probably no longer holds true. It's common to call Korean men wife beaters, but every stereotype holds a certain degree of truth. At the end, however, no matter what color you are, Mrs. will always be in charge of the castle :D.

3) Asians cannot accept darker skin - in other words, I am conjuring the term, racism. Somehow there's a notion of pale skin superiority, which was firmly rooted in the ancient cultures of Japan and China. It is therefore easy to ties this into the white skin superiority complex :D. See the connection? That's the reason you don't see many Asian females with Blacks or Latinos.

4) The Myth of the Bigger D___ - this is probably the worst explanation anyone can give me. If you want a bigger WMD please date a black dude. Don't even try to explain to me that a little French shrimp sporting 5' 5" in height can carry a big stick.

On this note: remember girls, just because semen is white it doesn't mean the guy who bust in your punani has to be as well.

GOP'ed

2004-11-03T15:12:00.000-08:00

I have to say watching the election coverage is like watching the Superbowl. The only difference is we don't drink or dip chips in salsa. In fact, this time we drowned ourselves in tears.

http://www.cnn.com/ELECTION/2004/

The CNN headlines read, "America has Spoken". It sure has, but not in the right manner. After a dismal 4 years from our Commander-in-Chief who lost the popular vote, he actually gained ground and somehow defeated his opponent by more than 3.5 million votes. Bush was given the opportunity to unite a country after 2000, and he has squandered every opportunity in this regard. Furthermore, our deficits have skyrocketed and we are now left with trying to deal with the mess in Iraq. In recent years this is probably a victory by an incumbent who has done every conceivable act to rid himself of another term, but somehow won in convincing fashion. In all likelihood, the high turnout actually favored Bush, and not Kerry.

Furthermore, the GOP has gained seats in both the House and Senate, giving W an easier second term. With all the mistakes the GOP has made, how America voted strongly for them is just beyond belief. All Hail, redneck agenda!!!

There are questions about conspiracy theory, such as rigged touch-screen machines, and optical scanners. While there is a possibility, the margin of 3.5 million popular votes rendered these questions little merit. Clearly middle America has a much different opinion from urban America as exemplified by the electoral votes won by Kerry.

Wake up and smell the coffee middle America - better yet, make sure it's a triple shot because you need it!

Euro FOBs

2004-11-02T14:01:00.000-08:00

Folks,

I have delivered as promised, unlike the unscrupulous politicians on this very election day. Here's what I have gathered so far:

1) Gotta love those black leather jackets from the 80s - for some reason these guys are still in tune with McGuyver. Remember the bomber jackets with the shoulder pads? Maybe that's what they can only get in their war torn homeland.

2) Love those beat up Rabbits - no, I am not talking about the French delicacy, but the beat up 2 door frugal boxes wreaking havoc among the Silicon Valley highways. Just like their skin they often come dressed in white. And please, stop driving them like in the movie "Taxi".

3) Malnutritioned - I think it's their crave for nicotine that creates this image. For some reason these guys love to smoke, yet forget they spent their last buck on cigarettes instead of food. See "Trainspotting" for reference.

4) Blessed with Soccer - Hooligans should only stay in the island Empire of United Kingdom, but somehow this term has become more inclusive and now many of them have crossed the "pond" (aka Atlantic Ocean). Allow me to remind them this is good ol' US of A, where professional soccer earns you barely above minimum wage. Talking about Manchester United or Real Madrid in St Louis won't earn you a lot of friends.

5) Shower is a new concept - I don't think it's just the French who only showers perhaps once a week, but now somehow most of these clowns have adopted this concept. The ladies here don't appreciate the stench of perceived manliness. At least in France they use their bidet to wash their asses....

6) Don't shave - yes, using a razor is not a novel concept to mankind in the EU.

7) Skin-tight clothes - this is really the common theme among fobs from Europe or Asia, and the sight is something to behold when you are as toned as Calista Flockhart. Frankly I don't see how this can be comfortable, especially at the crotch area. Your country may like to control the birth rate, but here you don't need to shoot blanks.

8) Bush bashers without merit - I often hear how Americans are conservative, but they have yet had an answer to my rebuttal, "If your country is liberal, why is your president/prime minister and the senior staff all white?" Don't give me that crap you fake liberals.

More ideas to come :D

Fresh....indeed

2004-10-27T13:26:00.000-07:00

I am on a roll today so I might as well continue. Earlier I promised my friends I would post 101 stereotypes on my blog but alas, time and commitments have made that a daunting task. But inspired by my recent outings I would like to compile a list of stereotypes often associated with FOBs. For the innocent ones, FOB stands for Fresh Off the Boat. The history of this term mostly dates to the post Vietnam days, where mass emigrats from Southern Asia invaded Anglo-Saxon dominated America like Genghis Khan's troops. In those days, they often arrived by Boat. Nowadays of course they come in all classes, from Burger King mongol in coach to CEOs in first class.

Drum roll please ........

1) Must converse in native tongue - Yes, English is banned! You will be shot if you use ABC's!
2) Listen to dog slow or overly happy music, native tongue of course
3) Know all about Jay Chow - frankly, he looks like a shrimp who could bench 50 lbs at best
4) Listen to overly rapid techno - they love DNA lounge and listening to that stuff makes them look pimpy
5) Dye their hair or highlight it with a shade of brown - I never understood this one, but can't you be more creative like dying it in green or blue instead? Why brown?
6) Hate sports except for ping pong - Ping pong is hard, indeed, but there's no professional league of Ping Pongers in good ol' US of A
7) Far from outspoken - somehow they like to dissociate with everyone except for their own posse. What I don't get is if they don't like meeting new people, how did they wind up knowing their fellow gang members? For others this is often seen as stuck-up. Most aren't, but somehow this is the image they convey
8) PGA - no, not the Golf tour, but Prada Gucci Armani. They don't wear anything else because it's not good enough to clothe their chestless and assless bodies
9) Love pale skin - wait a second, you wanna be White? Didn't u just tell me you hate White people? Stop hanging out in the enclosed malls looking for PGA!
10) V for Peace, not victory - somehow they conjured up the post of "V" in their pictures. V for peace, not for victory. Personally I told a couple of them the next time I will cut off their fingers with a pair of scissors
11) Drive a 3 series - the purveyor of fine automobiles indeed. Since when has the 3 series rank the highest in the automobile echelon?
12) Put good luck charms or a family of dolls in their fine automobile - look, if you have road rage you will die no matter how big that lucky charm is, and that family sitting in the back really screws up your rear view vision: it's known to cause many parking accidents :D
13) Afraid of Black folks - this is true, somehow they think Blacks are criminals and only good at sports
14) Likes to be Japanese - somehow they confuse their names with Kenichi or Yuko. You are Mai Ling or Zhi Lun you dumbass. It's not because they like anime or JPOP, it's because they dress in the same manner and share the same body language.

and last but not least.....

15) If you know them too well they will try to FOB-inize you - please, don't Jay Chow me to death!!!

At this age I realize we should also use the same term for European FOBs, because they too have their own quirky ways. So far the one thing I've seen is they somehow love wearing black leather jackets with an ugly short sleeve shirt underneath. I have no clue where they discovered this fashion statement. I will need to learn more before I give y'all a list, so stay tuned.

One China

2004-10-27T13:12:00.000-07:00

Folks,

I haven't updated the blog for a while but I recently received shipment of two tshirts:

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=340

http://www.tshirthell.com/store/product.php?productid=193

I ordered the former in brown retro ringer and the latter in black 3/4 jersey. I've actually received more attention from the latter, but of a chuckle or a smirk rather than a slap on the face. There is quite a selection on that website, some rather offensive to Blacks, Asians, and gays. Not for the easily offended...

The title of this entry was about this: http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/ap/20041026/ap_on_re_as/taiwan_us_china_1

Traditionally the Republicans have been more pro-Taiwan, so this stance was clearly a step form the norm, and none less by Colin Powell. To me he's probably the only reasonable person in the GOP, and this is somewhat surprising. Whether it is politically driven is a point of debate, but it clearly is an attempt to steer some votes from the pro-mainland Asian caucuses who often vote Democratic. Rest assured, I am not pro-mainland but I AM NOT anywhere close to the GOP banks.

Last Day of the Olympics

2004-08-29T23:34:00.000-07:00

I've almost devoted 4 hours to watch the final moments of the Olympics today, starting with the Marathons. For those who don't know the story, read all about it here:

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/summer04/trackandfield/news/story?id=1870662

Apparently this is the same nut case who disrupted the 2003 Silverstone Grand Prix in England. C'mon now, a guy sporting a beret, tights, and a huge sign in the back wouldn't be a security concern? At least he didn't blow himself up and a lot of clowns out there were thinking he's a Muslim. Bible? Not exactly Koran talk to me...

On a higher note, bay area native Andre Ward claimed the light heavyweight gold.

And let's not forget about the men's basketball debacle. Finally someone echoes my punch line "SHOOTER ART THOU?"

http://sports.espn.go.com/oly/summer04/basketball/news/story?id=1869474

Virtual Girlfriend

2004-08-27T16:00:00.000-07:00

No, this is not another saga of an eBay auction, but recently a company based in the submissive territory called Hong Kong has developed an idea for mobile bonkers:

http://edition.cnn.com/2004/TECH/08/23/mobile.girlfriend.ap/

Let me pretend I am a subscriber and the object of my affection, is, say Lisa:

J: Do you love me?
Lisa: You haven't given me those fancy diamonds from Tiffany Virtual Gallery...dear...
J: Ok, I just send 5 bucks
Lisa: Wow! Looks like you picked out the one that I've always wanted. I LOVE U SO MUCH!
J: Can I tap you now?
Lisa: You need to purchase a groin attachment to your phone.

And the Japanese recently made a pillow based shaped like an arm of a man for lonely Japanese women. I don't know which idea is more brilliant, but we all know that we shouldn't be in Silicon Valley.

Ha...Destiny

2004-08-27T15:27:00.000-07:00

The US Basketball team fell to Argentina, 89-81.

Note how the first line is in a smaller font this time? :D

Watching parts of the US team's performance has once agained revealed their Achilles' heal - SHOOTING. You got it, they can't shoot, and that's why they lost. Remember 2002? I guess that NBA hasn't learned one iota about the International game, possibly except for Larry Brown, who fully realized that the dismal shooting of his "stars" won't bode well.

Give credit to Argentina for some brilliant passing play and overall good defense. They can't contain the boards, but who really can against the more athletically gifted Americans? Now we will have to see whether they can win the Bronze medal against the Italians who rained 3 pointers literally from Rome.

Too much Paella?

2004-08-27T15:20:00.000-07:00

Wow.... the US Basketball team beat Spain!!!!

Normally this wouldn't make the headlines, but considering a mediocre performance against Puerto Rico and Italy, and barely surviving Germany and Australia, the team is all about dream....Dream of winning a medal, and it ain't gold my friends.

Finally the US team showed up with a brilliant display of shooting, by no less than Mr. Stephan Marbury. Who would have thought that the guy who bailed out of Minnesota because of KG would knock down 6 threes? As much bad press there is against this little fella, he showed up big, and I would open a Dom P. just for him.

Then the Spanish coach went on a tirade. C'mon now, he is just fumed over the fact that his team came off a 5-0 start and now won't even contend for a medal. This is case of a classic whiner, a pure sore loser.

Spanish coach, "...Dean Smith would not have done that."

And Dean Smith would call you a whining idiot. Larry Brown has already tried very hard to explain the timeout call so suck it up, dunk yourself in sangria and party with the chicks in Madrid. That's what Spain is all about anyways.

Thoughts on Paul Hamm

2004-08-27T15:14:00.000-07:00

After watching Paul Hamm's comments on NBC, I feel compelled to release some of my thoughts.

The start values are not subjective, my friends. This is why the whole controversy started in the first place. Giving up the silver for the bronze is not even close in magnitude in giving up the gold. Have you ever heard of the phrase, "Always the next best"? If you can't rationalize this it is a MOOT point to even discuss this issue any further.

For those who defend Paul Hamm because he is cute....excuse me, but what do you find cute about a short dude with a voice of 2 higher octaves? Music to your ears and a cuddly sensation? Then you too should defend Kobe because Shaq is like a green orge compared to the suave point guard.

Let me say this clearly, IF HAMM IS IN YANG'S SHOES YOU WILL BE SCREAMING RAGE WITH PITCHFORKS IN YOUR HAND READY TO MASSACRE THE NEXT KOREAN GROCERY STORE. You think this sounds silly but it happens. Should Hamm give up his medal? I don't think he needs to and no one should tell him to do that. If he wants to display a gesture of good will and sportsmanship he should, and he will be remembered for a very long time. If you think he will wind up on a Wheaties box now you are dead wrong. NO ONE WOULD WANT TO SPONSOR A CONRTROVERSIAL WINNER, not even the morally correct Nike :D.

What made me sick was how he claimed how he should alone deserve the gold. Reminds you of the Lord of the Rings, doesn't it? "My precious..... >:D" He is reacting in the same exact manner, with sheer arrogance and a lack of class. I don't want a childish idiot to represent the United States, but unfortunately, he's the best we got in gymnastics.

The world's perception of us is unfortunately not for our goodwill but for our arrogance as exemplified by our star gymnast. Isn't it always true that bad news and bad press get more attention? Nonetheless, such an act does not bold well for other's perception of us and this will only make it worse, whether you are from Korea or not. Does giving it up will make things better? *Absolutely* and you are damn sure the Koreans will thank us for this, and probably forget about the 2002 Salt Lake debacle.

Look out Al-Qaeda. You now have a new American> target :D.

SHCP Alums

2004-08-27T15:05:00.000-07:00

You guys may be interested in reading this....

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/article.cgi?file=/gate/archive/2004/08/24/eguillermo.DTL

Remember the incident involving a bunch of white> kids from good ol' SHCP beating up the Asian kids in the Sunset district. You will be glad to see > the results.> > I recall that the SHCP is by and large integrated, but I've also vividly recalled that there are some neo, well, should I say, very pro-() nut cases there. The school is too famous for accepting spoiled brats who have nothing to do but go out and smack some minorities around, and I am going to spare the names this time. This is not the first case, and won't be the last.

These are the very same people who will go out to bash Bush and cheer for Kerry. Hail to fake liberals!

My Recent 8 day Excursion

2004-08-12T23:33:00.000-07:00

NOTE: This took place circa mid-July, but my friends thought it shouldn't be left out of a much deserved blog space :D.

Folks,

I've been MIA in the last week to indulge in what I originally thought
would be a relaxing, 8 day tour of the New England states and parts of the
lesser country otherwise known as Canada. I also took my mom along as her bday gift, but little did I realize that it will provide me with such elaborate writing material.

You have been warned. Read at your own discretion :D.

Day 1:
The day was primarily occupied by a flight from SFO to New York JFK. Since I have been travelling freqently before I expected this to be a routine flight without much drama. It wasn't, except the fact that American Airlines was more like Attitude Airlines. I've met some wonderful flight attendants who probably went through a recent paycut, but needless to say they were more like Imperial guards then employees in the service industry.

After we got to JFK we met our tour guide who had sunglasses on in broad darkness with highlighted hair. Sounds like a classic picture from an Asian mafia book.... He basically had an English level equivalent to a 3rd grader.

Day 2:
Manhattan day. This is the 4th time to embark on this little island and I would not subject myself to the torture of climbing the Empire state building and the sodding statue again. Both didn't happen, but we went on a "cruise" on the Hudson and around Manhattan. The guide on the boat was quite energetic, but she boasted how the Empire State building was completed in only one year and 45 days. I said, "Well, if there aren't any jobs in the Great Depression then getting 500 people to build a freakin building shouldn't take that long...." She then began a propaganda about anti-terrorism when we went past ground zero, and out of the blue she reminded us of the Holocaust. I really saw a connection there so I brought up the number of slaves killed on the luxo yachts to the colonial states. She was not pleased, but I was :D.

Day 3:
Bus to Philly and DC. I heard notorious stories about the climates of both cities and they held true. Humidity was sky high and I simply could not understand why this country's founding fathers chose the cradle of this nation there. I didn't know the Independence bell was actually quite small and it actually cracked during testing. A testament to British engineering....

Day 4:
By this time I have been losing sleep because I wasn't used to the 6 a.m. - 10 p.m. schedule, and the bus didn't offer a refuge as it was primarily filled with annoying old timers speaking languages I could not recognize. Any chicks you asked? The best looking chick other than my mom was myself. Today we toured Corning glass museum and other places of relatively little interest to the average American. The museum was better than I thought with various exhibits and a history of glass making. Also went on a boat ride to see the falls up close and we got soaking wet despite the full body latex (plastic) protection. FYI, the Canadian side is much livelier with a strip of casinos with a semi-Vegas with a dash of Pier 39 feel. Since we were overly patriotic we decided to stay on the US side instead.

Word of advice - Do not ever stay at the Four Points Sheraton at Niagara Falls.

Day 5:
O Canada! Made it to Toronto and Ottawa. Toronto, while being the largest city, didn't have much to write about except for the CN Tower. I believe it's the tallest structure in the world but the observation deck is not its tallest point. The first thing in my mind was anyone who jumps off this building can claim a spectacular death with bragging rights in the next life, but that's not enough to prompt me to justify such a spontaneous
act. It also amazingly, had a quarter section just filled with 2 layers of glass so you can look directly below. When the tour guide asked me if I jumped on the glass floor, I told him I cracked it and claimed no responsibility.

Ottawa was quite exquisite with a dash of old world charm and a good number of Canadien beauties. I obliged to sit at a sidewalk cafe and admire what the nation's capital had to offer. O Canada indeed!

Day 6:
Montreal. Wow, I thought I was in France but the locals actually politely replied in English when spoken to. There's a good mix of minorities here, and I really wanted to sample Canadien flavored French cuisine. Instead the group opted for Pho. Ok, I know Vietnam was a French colony at one point but the connection ends there, really. The town also had a reputation for night live and it held true. When the group went back to the hotel I got myself a subway map and went to an area called St Catherine's. It was extremely lively for a Thursday night and the scenery was a sight to behold. You can say I left my heart in Montreal, not San Francisco.

Day 7:
Boston for some clam chowda! Being a Yankee hater it was only appropriate for me to set foot on this town, but the first thing I notice was the town was tore up, literally. Detours were everywhere and the traffic was the worst aside from Manhattan. Other than that I saw some famous landmarks: Boston tea party, Charlestown naval yard (home of the USS Constitution), the site of Cheers ...etc. We briefly visited Harvard and the first thing I noticed was a local watch shop was selling Patek Philippe, Rolex,
Audemars Piguet and various other fine timepieces. Wait a minute...isn't this a
college town?! I decided to unleash hell by unloading in a fine Harvard bathroom. As I walked along the hallways of University Hall I realized it housed the offices of many Deans. Yup, the big dogs. Justice was served.

Day 8:
Last day in Boston where we continued to see some famous landmarks and traversed well known areas where the locals hang out. Due to the numerous fine colleges in the area one can imagine why housing prices in this town are high. I can understand why people move here, indeed. The day capped off with another flight aboard Attitude Airlines. Same service as usual, please go bankrupt, and let other more deserving airlines have your terminals.

Some things which I have left out:

1) My tourmates, for the most part, likes to be the first to disembark the bus and raid the buffets. Needless to say, courtesy was a novel concept.

2) We had a new tour guide starting from Day 2. He was actually pretty funny and was amazingly diplomatic when two individuals held the group back by MIA for about 30 minutes on the last day when we were almost late for their flights. He had to search for them and returned flushed-red, but somehow just said, "Please don't forget what I said on where to meet, but it's ok. You guys may not have heard me well from the back, so it's ok :D"

3) One elevator claimed *MAX - 8 PPL*, but we were able to fit 14 in there and they were complaining I was keeping them out. I rebutted, "Ok - just be prepared to die" Dead silience until we reached our floor safely......

Conslusion:
In retrospect there are only two things going for the Bay Area: weather + jobs. Unfortunately these are often the 2 most important factors for survival and this is why the area commands the highest median home price and why people flock here. Philly is not my place unless I worship McNabb, and the suburbs of DC are quite scenic ;), but it too is too humid. Montreal, Ottawa, and Boston, in this order, are places that I would ask my
friends here to consider shall they choose to move. O Canada!

First One

2004-08-12T12:41:00.000-07:00

Folks, this is my first post just to see a preview of what the blog will turn out. Really, believe me.